Sometimes I get a little nostalgic of the fairytale lesbian era I immersed myself in when I was 20, 21, and 22. I surrounded myself in films like, Tipping the Velvet, Heavily Creatures, But I’m A Cheerleader, and lesbian pulp novels like Beebo Brinker and Spring Fire.
I had just started college and was introduced to drag and androganism. I teased with the concept a bit; even felt that I had to subscribe to a butch exterior in order to be passable and acceptable within the queer community. As much as I loved the occasional dress-up in a suit and tie or the feel of masculinity within my little 5’1” feminine frame, it was not me.
I grew up taking ballet, playing the piano, playing with dolls, with bunnies, drawing women in beautiful gowns and wearing make-up. I loved all of those things, but I hated that fact that there was not a single sub set queer community or club that shared the same interest: Ultra Femme Lesbians with Ultra Femme Sensibilities. Furthermore, the ultra femme who was into other ultra femmes and not the stereotypical butch/fem dynamic.
I often admired the drag king cliques and social events in the Bay Area. So many dykes and FTMs came out of hiding to come together and celebrate a part of their queer selves. But where in the world are those few lesbians who are into Tea Parties with discussions of philosophy, poetry, and the Romantic Friendships of the Victorian Era?
I dealt with the situation like any artistic lesbian who felt alone – I created it myself. It started off with drawing or painting the images I wanted to see, but could not find anywhere else. Then I started re-writing stories from my childhood and fitting them in such a way I could relate to. Then, with luck I found a small group of wonderful women who were just as fem-silly as me. We were a grand total of 4, one of which was my then girlfriend.
Although small, we truly had such a unique and special time of our lives. We would go to Lisa’s Tea Treasures and as we sipped our tea and cake with elderly women in floral dresses surrounding us my friend would start up a conversation about the logistic of fisting. It was perfect! A dream come true and a wonderful memory.
However, it does keep me thinking. I couldn’t have been the only ultra fem in the world and surely there has to be more than 4 in existence. Where are the rest of them?
Love,
~ Jenny
