Since this week has a theme of remembrance of the past and my queer identity at school I uncovered two drawing I did during my first year at Santa Clara University. I have fond memories of sitting at the Benson Center Cafe studying with a Mocha and Chocolate Espresso Brownie and listening to random students play the piano. People either knew or they didn’t know I was an out Lesbian. I glowed with the anticipation that they did and I was a strong example to whatever they were thinking, even if it was negative. It didn’t mean that I was always cool with myself. Many times I was paranoid about being caught with all the queer activities I did, but for the most part I was proud to be out and decked out in rainbow ribbons and stickers. There were some moments that were very challenging to my identity. One, which is pictured in “Transaction,” is my interest in FTMs, which is interesting because up till that time I was only interested in feminine women and women only. Amusingly enough, the picture is of me in semi-drag and in front of a cityscape of San Francisco. Three years later I would be a performer in the SCU drag show and five years later I ended up living in SF. The second one, which I hardly ever admit because I always felt embarrassed about it, is actually about a little crush I had on a guy at SCU. I passed him a note in class asking him out, which I thought was cute and endearing – he never responded. I felt like a fucking idiot and couldn’t believe that I was willing to risk my beloved lesbian identity on such a person. I got over that one very quickly. The importance of that moment and that picture is that it was the first clue that my own sexuality was not as black and white as I wished it to be and that it was more complex than I had ever imagined.